If you have a lot of concerns and questions about taking your child to therapy, you're not alone. Many parents feel the same way and often have questions they hesitate to ask. As a therapist who works with children, I welcome and value your questions. I know it cannot be easy if your child’s therapy feels like an unknowable “black box.” You and your child’s therapy experience will be vastly improved by our communication. We want to hear your fears and do our best to address them.
I have compiled a list of the most common concerns, questions, and misconceptions that I field in discussing child therapy with parents and caregivers. If you are contemplating bringing your child to therapy or are already in the process of doing so, perhaps you’ll find some soothing in the following:
1. What is child therapy? This question is one that parents feel shy about asking, but it’s a great one! Child therapy can look like many different things. It’s often not the same as therapy with adults. For instance, adults often come to therapy with the things they want to talk about or change. Children very rarely bring anything like that to their own therapy.
Instead, child therapists learn about your child and the ways in which to access your child’s inner world. We use the expertise you share about your child, combined with our own training and warmth, to access their inner world. Sometimes we use art, play, movement, or stories to access this world, because those are the first languages of children. We learn about how their symptoms are serving them and why they developed in the first place. It is often through this understanding that change occurs.
With older children, therapy may still involve some play, art, and stories. But, as children develop more sophisticated language, insight, and self-advocacy, child therapy begins to look a lot more like our more traditional, adult ideas of therapy.
2. What should I tell my kid(s) about therapy? Keep in mind that children often don’t have the sorts of associations or connotations of therapy that grownups do. You have an opportunity to influence how your child perceives therapy by conveying an inviting, positive approach to therapy.
Children already know what going to appointments feels like, having been to the family doctor (amongst other appointments). I often suggest that parents use that analogy: going to a therapist is like going to a medical doctor, except (and this is an important part!) there are no needles or physical examinations. Therapists are like thoughts and feelings doctors. There does not have to be anything “wrong” to go to the medical doctors; we sometimes go to make sure everything is in working order. Therapists are the same: sometimes people go to therapy because of something “wrong”, and sometimes they go because it can be a very healthy thing to do.
3. What can I expect for my involvement in child therapy? Different practitioners have different hopes for your involvement, and oftentimes the level of involvement depends on the age and stage of the child.
During an intake call or at some other time when you are meeting your child’s therapist, they will probably let you know what kind of relationship and communication they will want with you. They can and should give you a way to get in contact with them (such as their email or telephone number) if you have something to ask or share with them over the course of thearpy.
Your child’s therapist will likely explain to you that the therapeutic relationship is a confidential container, meaning they will keep a lot of what your child says private. This privacy allows the child more safety in allowing access to their inner world. However, protection always trumps privacy. If your child communicates something suggesting that they or those around them are in serious harm’s way, you (and/or other grownups) will be informed and we will do what is needed to keep everyone safe. Most therapists will explain this protocol, but if they don’t, feel free to ask!
4. What should I do if child therapy isn't working? Tell us. Let’s have a conversation about it. Oftentimes, parental goals might differ from child goals, making it seem as though therapy might not be progressing. Unlike adult therapy, there are often more involved stakeholders. We welcome the opportunity to hear multiple perspectives and facilitate meaningful understanding of everyone involved.
Hopefully this Q & A has helped answer any questions you might have been afraid to ask or simply wanted to know more about.
If you have any other questions about child therapy, reach out to us! The best way to connect with any of our clinicians is to write our administrator who will help put you in touch with us. You can contact us by emailing us here or calling (416) 792-9233.
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